


Home Is Where The Heartbreak Is

by AlexIsOkay



Series: "Tempo, Beat, Break" Universe Fics [3]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 20:54:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18080723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexIsOkay/pseuds/AlexIsOkay
Summary: This fic is a oneshot followup to my mutli-chapter Eli/You fic "Tempo, Breat, Break," which can be found here:https://archiveofourown.org/works/16050167/chapters/37470785Some elements won't make sense if you haven't read it, so it's strongly recommended you check that out first.





	Home Is Where The Heartbreak Is

You Watanabe’s eyes slowly opened to the room around her, adjusting to her dim surroundings. A bit of light was peeking in through the cracks in the curtains, but for the most part the room was still dark. Groggily, You’s eyes focused on the red numbers of the clock sitting by her bedside, seeing that it was just a little bit past eight in the morning. Believe it or not, that was late for her. Rolling over onto her other side You was also surprised to find the bed vacant beside her, though she quickly noticed a piece of paper left on the empty pillow. She leaned in closer, and although it was a bit difficult to make out what it said without her glasses or contacts, You was eventually able to see that it was a note:

 

 

 

 

 

> _You,_
> 
> _I went downstairs to get breakfast. Come find me when you wake up, sleepyhead._
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _Eli_

You smiled to herself as she read over the words, rolling her eyes at the playful teasing. With a long yawn and a stretch of her arms she forced herself to sit up, back cracking loudly in the empty room as she did so. From there You swung her feet down and let them hit the carpeted floor of the room, then stood, walking towards the thick curtains that covered the windows. You grabbed the curtains at the split along the center, tossing them to either side and wincing sharply as she was blinded by the bright morning sun, reflecting off the snow covered expanse of the Swiss Alps.

* * *

“All I’m saying is a _good_ girlfriend would have brought me breakfast in bed.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to settle for mediocrity.” You had found Eli in the lobby of their ski resort, where complimentary breakfast was just beginning to wind down. Eli had already finished eating quite a while ago, before You had even shown up, and she had been biding her time with a mug of hot tea and a book while she waited for her girlfriend to join her. You, meanwhile, was taking advantage of the “complimentary” part of “complimentary breakfast,” digging into a plate piled high with eggs and pancakes and quiche and bacon, and all the other sorts of foods she wasn’t used to seeing back home in Japan. Some people were already out on the mountains, and just as many were moving through the lobby already bundled up in their coats and masks with their equipment slung over their shoulder, but when presented with the choice of getting out first thing in the morning or enjoying the comfortable resort bed a while longer, You hadn’t needed to think very hard about it.

“Do you think they sell lotion around here somewhere?” Eli mused, hands still cradled around her mostly finished mug of tea. “The air is already getting to my skin.”

“What happened to that tough Russian blood?” You teased. “You’re getting weak.”

“I was always weak,” Eli replied. “The weather was the number one reason I was happy to move to Japan.”

“Well if I see anything I’ll grab it for you. And if I see any anti-aging cream I’ll be sure to snag that too.” This time it was Eli’s turn to roll her eyes, though their back and forth was interrupted before it could go any further by the sound of another familiar voice calling to them from across the lobby.

“There you are! I was wondering where my two favorite troublemakers had run off to this time.” Lifting her eyes from her plate and looking towards the noise, You saw the second blonde European woman to be joining her on this Swiss vacation: Mari Ohara. Mari wasn’t alone, either. As she marched across the lobby towards where You and Eli were seated, the telltale red bob of Ruby Kurosawa’s hair scampered along beside her.

“We stopped by your room first but you obviously weren’t in there,” Ruby said, coming up to stop by the edge of the table alongside her girlfriend. Neither You nor Eli were used to travelling much, and because of that they didn’t have international phone plans the way Mari and Ruby did. Their vacation was decidedly off the grid- aside from the whole five star resort aspect, of course. “I thought Mari-chan was about to break the door down from how hard she was knocking.”

“I couldn’t help it!” Mari replied, tossing a hand to her forehead in feigned distress. “I was worried! Who knew what sort of horrible things could have happened to them during the night!”

“Yeah, I’m sure this classy ski resort is a real bad neighborhood,” You snickered back, before gesturing towards the counters where she had gotten her food. “I think there’s still some breakfast left, if you guys wanna nab anything before they clear it out.”

“Oh, no, that’s quite alright,” Mari replied, waving a hand dismissively. “Ruby-chan and I ordered room service before we came down here.”

“But the buffet is-” Free, was where that sentence was going to end, though as You was halfway through saying it she remembered that this was Mari Ohara she was talking to. And, given that Mari was so generously paying for her and Eli to be there, You suddenly had to wonder why she was bothering with the free breakfast buffet too.

Mari’s constant globetrotting with her girlfriend was no secret to anyone, and it didn’t come as any surprise when she had started to invite Eli and You to join them on their vacations and their couple’s retreats from practically the moment the two had started dating. You had always politely declined, at first because it felt like they were still too early in their relationship to go jet-setting off to another country together, and then because, between her own work schedule and Eli’s, they had just never been able to find the time. Now, though, after being together for just a bit over a year, they had finally managed to sort out the logistics. They had been planning this for close to two months, and even then they never would have been able to afford it on their own. Thank god for rich friends.

“Not to rush anyone,” Eli spoke up, “but I was hoping we might be able to get out on the slopes soon. It’s been a long time since I’ve been skiing, and I’m eager to give it another go.”

“Hold on,” You interrupted. “You’ve been skiing before?”

“I didn’t mention that?” Eli asked, raising an eyebrow and curling her lips up in a way that You almost swore made this all feel intentional. “It’s been a while, but yes. I used to ski quite a bit when I was younger.”

“Great,” You groaned, slumping over in her chair. “Now I’m gonna be the only one who doesn’t know what she’s doing out there. I’m gonna make an ass out of myself.”

“Don’t feel too bad, You-chan,” Mari chimed in. “I still remember the first time I took Ruby over here skiing with me.”

“Mari!” Ruby huffed, but there was clearly no force on heaven nor Earth that could stop Mari from telling the story now.

“It was her first time, but for whatever reason she didn’t see fit to mention that to me. Of course, I’ve been skiing all my life, so I was ready to jump right in on one of the steeper courses. I’m standing at the top readying myself to go down when all of a sudden I hear the most high-pitched shrieking noise I’ve ever heard in my life, and I look over just in time to see a blur of red hair go zipping past me. The snowbank did manage to stop her eventually, of course, but it wasn’t exactly the most graceful landing I’ve ever seen. I still don’t know why you didn’t just tell me you were new to skiing, Ruby-chan.”

“Because I wanted to impress you,” Ruby grumbled back, scrunched up face now just about as red as her hair.

“And how did that go for you?” Mari teased, draping an arm around her girlfriend.

“Shut up.” Mari laughed at that, the sort of head-tossed-back laugh that was clearly exaggerated, before returning her eyes to You and Eli.

“Anyway, Ruby-chan and I will head back upstairs and start to get our gear together. We can all meet back down here in the lobby in, say… Twenty minutes?”

“Sounds good!” You said, flashing Mari a thumbs up before starting to shove food into her mouth in doubletime.

“And I’ll make sure she’s actually on time,” Eli added on. “Thank you again for treating us to this vacation, Mari-san.”

“Bu bu bu!” Mari quipped back, raising a finger and scowling at Eli. “What was the one rule about you coming here?” Eli laughed softly at that, smiling before she corrected herself.

“Thank you, Mari- _chan_.”

“ _Excellent._ Now,” Mari said, spinning on her heels and starting to tug a still sulking Ruby along with her, “we’ll see you back here soon! Don’t be late!”

“We won’t,” Eli assured her, while You was still too busy eating to respond.

* * *

You felt a chill go through her as she stood there at the top of the mountain. She wasn’t used to this kind of weather- it never got this cold in Japan, and she was currently staring down more snow than she had ever seen in her life. Even with as many layers as she was wearing the wind was still biting through and reaching her at her core, and You found herself scrunching up her shoulders and retreating down into herself even more to try to ward it off.

“Beautiful weather up here today, isn’t it?” Mari sang out, sliding up beside You on her own set of skis. All four of them were gathered together at the top of the easiest course the resort offered, which only drew even more attention to the fact that You had no idea what she was doing. She had gotten her skis on with a bit of help, but now she had no clue what she was meant to be doing with them.

“It’s cold!” You called back.

“That’s the point, dear. You can’t go skiing on water.” You couldn’t actually see much of Mari’s face, obstructed as it was by goggles and a scarf, but she could still picture the shit eating grin just fine. Ruby was even more obscured than Mari was, tiny body practically vanishing underneath all the layers she was padded up in, though Eli seemed to be doing just fine.

“Are you ready?” she asked, sliding up next to You with a level of casual ski mastery that further reminded You how out of her depth she was. Still, the hill in front of her didn’t look _that_ steep, right? And it wasn’t like You was entirely uncoordinated or unathletic either. Maybe all those old dancing skills would prove useful somehow. Hopefully.

“Yeah,” You replied, giving a confident nod that was more for her own benefit than for anyone else’s. “I’m ready.”

“Then just slide forward and let gravity take you!” Mari called out from her other side. “Remember! Pizza and french fries!”

“Ganbaruby!” Ruby added on. With her friends’ support You steeled herself for this new endeavor, planting her ski poles into the snow to give herself a small push forward. It only took that little bit to get her to a point where gravity and the slope of the mountain started to kick in, and You felt a little rush of excitement as she realized she was starting to move on her own, without having to keep pushing herself along.

“You’re doing it!” Eli called out, and with a glance out of the corner of her eye You could see her girlfriend keeping pace alongside her. “Now just focus on your balance, and brake if you need to!”

“Okay!” You called back, though she didn’t feel like she was going too fast just yet. The mountain wasn’t very steep, and even if she tried she probably wouldn’t have been able to pick up too much speed. Still, this experience was an entirely new one to her, and that alone made it feel like something different and unusual. As she continued to accelerate down the slope You heard wind moving past her ears and felt it nipping at the exposed areas of her face, and she was starting to get an adrenaline rush that made her understand why some people enjoyed this so much. Swimming and dancing had always been her preferred sports in the past, but there was something decidedly different about this: in those other sports, You was always in complete control of her body. Sure, sometimes a wave would push her along while she was swimming in the ocean, or Chika would come flying into her while they were at dance practice together, but barring those few exceptions You always felt like she was moving on her own terms. Right now, as she slid further and further down the mountain, still picking up speed as she went, You realized that wasn’t the case. She was at the mercy of the environment around her, doing her best just to stay standing while she navigated it, and something about that loss of control was both terrifying and exhilarating.

“You’re getting close to the bottom!” You heard Eli shout from beside her, pulling her away from those thoughts. “Start braking now!”

“Right!” You called back, mentally running through the basics Mari had covered with her earlier before attempting to put them to use. She pivoted her skis further inward and tilted them to the side, and instantly she felt herself jerking to a stop- unfortunately, just a little bit too aggressively. The moment You felt that she realized she’d fucked up, and though there was another second or two of desperate fumbling as she tried to correct her balance again, it was already too late for that. With a plummeting feeling in her gut You went tumbling forward, planting into the ground face first just fast enough to really make it sting. On the bright side she _did_ come to a stop almost immediately after that, although she couldn’t really say it had happened the way she had wanted it to.

“You-chan!” she heard coming from somewhere around her, followed by several pairs of skis scraping to a stop nearby, and she pushed herself up from the snow and looked up just in time to see Ruby crouching down in front of her. “Are you okay??”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m alright,” You assured her. “Nothing damaged but my pride.”

“Well if it makes you feel any better, you were doing wonderfully up until the end there,” Mari said, before Eli reached a hand down towards You.

“C’mon. Back on your feet,” she said. “We’ll give it another go.”

“Really?” You groaned, taking Eli’s hand as she tried to hoist herself upright. “You’re gonna make me keep doing this?”

“Absolutely,” Eli replied. “I’m not letting you give up that easily.”

* * *

The day had turned into a long one for You. Her first wipeout ultimately hadn’t been her last, and even once she reached the point where she was confidently going down the mountain without falling she was still being put to shame compared to the skiing talents of the rest of their group. Still, by the time they started to pack up their gear to return to the lodge for the evening she had made good progress, and they had several more days on the mountain for her to keep working on it. Maybe, by the end of the trip, she would be skiing the same slopes as Mari.

Maybe.

For now, though, You was mostly just focused on getting back inside where there were warm fireplaces, dry clothes, and hearty food. The resort had a number of restaurants, all of them the sorts of places You would never even dream about eating if she was paying for herself, but as long as this vacation was entirely on the Ohara account she was going to be enjoying everything there was to offer. Admittedly the restaurant they were having dinner at was _so_ classy she actually felt a bit underdressed, but there were enough other guests around in their sweaters and their sweatpants and their other assorted post-skiing outfits that it was probably okay.

“The waterfalls there are absolutely gorgeous,” Mari was saying, halfway through another story about some remote corner of the world she had whisked Ruby off to. “Very cold though! All those photos you see of supermodels standing underneath them in their bikinis? Not as fun as it looks!”

“It was fun if you were smart enough to let Mari-chan go first,” Ruby giggled, prompting Mari to scrunch her expression up.

“Do you see what I put up with? Don’t let that adorable little face fool you. Ruby-chan is sinister when she wants to be.”

“I dunno,” You snickered. “I think this might just be karma for all the shit you used to make Dia-chan put up with.”

“Or for what you’ve made Ruby-chan put up with,” Eli added on. “Don’t think we’ve forgotten about this morning so quickly.”

“The nerve!” Mari huffed. “I spirit you all away on this wonderful vacation with me and this is the thanks I get?”

“Sorry, Mari-chan,” You said, although she didn’t really sound apologetic. Suddenly, however, Mari was reaching out across the table towards her, and she got one of those signature devious looks on her face that You immediately knew to be suspicious of.

“Well if you’re really sorry and you want to make it up to me, maybe there is something you could do,” she said.

“Our girlfriends are both right here, Mari.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing, You-chan,” Mari cooed. “But really, there’s a whole whisky bar down near the lobby that I’ve been dying to check out. Ruby won’t go with me because she thinks it’s gross, but you seem like you have good taste. What do you say?”

“You know I’m more of a beer person.”

“Then we’ll just have to culture you!” Mari insisted. “Come on, what do you say?” You did have to admit the idea sounded a little bit fun, if for no other reason than for the experience of sitting around in a fancy lounge sipping on whisky and living up her Swiss vacation to the fullest, but before she answered she found herself looking over towards Eli.

“Do you wanna go?” she asked.

“I’m not a fan of whisky myself,” Eli replied, “but you can go if you want to.”

“You sure? I don’t want you to be stuck in our room by yourself.”

“Really, I’ll be fine,” she insisted. “I’m still feeling chilled down to my bones after the mountain, so a long shower sounds nice right about now anyway. I’ll be okay on my on for an hour or two.”

“Alright. Thanks,” You said, before looking back to a now very excited Mari. “I guess I’m in, then.”

“ _Wonderful!_ ” Mari replied. “We can head down there right after dinner. Make sure you leave some room in your stomach!” You didn't think whisky tasting was really the sort of thing that required leaving room for, though she supposed Mari _was_ the expert on this topic, strange as that sounded to say about anything.

“Make sure not to drink _too_ much,” Ruby insisted, nuding herself up against Mari’s shoulder. “You get loud when you’re drunk.”

“Louder than this?” Eli asked with a raised eyebrow, to which Ruby responded with a terrifyingly solemn nod.

“And she gets really energetic too. I wanna be able to sleep tonight.”

“If these two come back wasted we can shove them into a room of their own and take the other room for ourselves,” Eli promised. “Then we’ll have some peace and quiet.”

“Alright,” Ruby giggled back. “Deal.”

* * *

After dinner wrapped up the group split in half, with Ruby and Eli returning to their rooms while Mari and You headed down towards this fabled whisky lounge. As they approached the front You saw that it was exactly the sort of place she had envisioned, all dark wood and leather armchairs, dimly lit by overhead chandeliers and candles sitting on the small round tables. Mari flashed her room key to get them in, and as she stepped through the doors You once again couldn’t help but feel like she was underdressed, though thankfully the coziness of the mountain ski lodge seemed to be outweighing the classiness of the venue when it came to the attire of the guests.

“I hope you realize I have no idea what I’m doing here,” You said, to which Mari flashed her a faint smile.

“Don’t you worry about that,” she replied. “You just go ahead and find us a place to sit, I’ll take care of the orders. I don’t mean to brag, but I’m something of an expert on the subject.”

“You absolutely meant to brag.”

“So I did! I’ll be back!” With that Mari broke away to head towards the bar, and with a roll of her eyes You went over to an open table, dropping into one of the armchairs and sinking down considerably as soon as she hit the cushion. Even if she still wasn’t sure she was going to enjoy the whisky she had to appreciate the experience alone, and it blew her mind to realize this was the sort of life Mari was living _all the time_. Fucking rich people.

Mari was only gone for a short moment before she came back over, carrying two glass tumblers in her hands, both of them engraved with a snowy mountainscape and the logo of the resort. Each one was filled with a small amount of whiskey as well, and as she took her seat beside You Mari thunked them down onto the table in front of her.

“This should be something simple to start you out with,” she said. “Smooth flavor, not too strong, not much burn. I think you’ll like it.”

“I’m trusting you on this,” You replied, wearing a skeptical expression as she reached out to take the glass. She lifted it to her nose first, sniffing slightly, and while she wasn’t immediately thrilled by the scent she also supposed there were very few alcohols in the world that actually smelled good. Mari picked her own glass back up as well, holding it out towards You.”

“ _Salud_ ,” she hummed, and You clinked glasses with her before raising her drink to her lips to take a sip. The moment the whisky made contact with her tongue You’s face scrunched up, and while she’d done enough shots in her life to avoid choking from the burn she still couldn’t say she enjoyed the taste. Pulling the glass away and looking back up though, face still scrunching, she saw that Mari looked entirely unfazed.

“Jeez. How the hell do you drink that?”

“Not a fan?” Mari replied, lips curling up into a coy smile. “It’s an acquired taste, I suppose.”

“I dunno why you would ever bother acquiring it,” You insisted. “It tastes awful.”

“So does cheap beer,” Mari replied. “But if you can stomach that you can stomach whisky.”

“I guess,” You grumbled under her breath, though she still didn’t seem thrilled about it. Meanwhile Mari just laughed, leaning forward to set her glass back down before reaching down into her pocket.

“Well, fortunately,” she said, “I didn’t just bring you here to drink alcohol I knew you wouldn’t like, as fun as that’s proving to be. There was something else I wanted to talk to you about as well.”

“Yeah?” You replied. “What’s up?” Mari was still looking down at her phone, tapping at the screen a few more times before spinning it around with a dramatic flourish.

“Ta-da!” she sang, and You leaned in closer to see what she was looking at. It took her a second to make sense of the photo being displayed, but as soon as she realized what it was she bolted back up in her chair, looking stunned.

“Is that- Are you and Ruby-??”

“Not yet,” Mari replied, putting a finger to her lips and winking at You. “But soon. I bought the ring a little while ago. I was actually planning on asking her during this trip,” she added on, sighing deeply as she slumped back into her chair. “But _somebody_ just had to ruin that by tagging along with us.”

“You invited us!” You reminded her.

“I always invite you and you always turn me down!” Mari huffed back, getting pouty. “How was I supposed to know this would be the one time you actually said yes??”

“Well, you could still do it while we’re here. Eli and I would be glad to give you some time alone if you needed it.”

“No, no, that’s quite alright,” Mari insisted, waving the thought away with her hand. “I’ll find another chance to do so. Preferably while we’re still outside of Japan, so it’s that much harder for Dia to murder me.”

“Does she know yet?” You asked, and Mari shook her head.

“Nobody does. I’m certainly not going to give Dia the chance to kill me before I even pop the question, and as much as I love Kanan I don’t think she could keep that secret from her wife. Right now this is just between the two of us.”

“Your secret’s safe with me!” You promised, dragging her fingers across her mouth in the typical “my lips are sealed” motion.

“Excellent,” Mari replied, before her devious smile returned. “What about you and Eli-chan? Is that something that’s been on your mind at all?”

“Marriage?” You asked, and as the question was turned on her she suddenly found herself shrinking back into her seat, going quiet. A few seconds passed, and then she shrugged her shoulders up, not really sure what else to say. “It’s… That still feels a long way away,” she said. “I haven’t really thought about it. We’re not even living together yet or anything.”

“But you two have been together for a while now, haven’t you?” Mari asked. “Over a year, right?”

“Yeah, but that’s… We’re still going slow,” You insisted. “After her whole situation… We’re taking our time. And I’m alright with that.” She had broken eye contact with Mari while she was speaking, but now You looked towards her friend once again, and she saw Mari staring back at her with a furrowed brow. She was clearly thinking hard, and while You wasn’t sure exactly what it was about, she knew that she didn’t like being on the receiving end of one of those looks.

“That’s all well and good, I suppose,” Mari eventually said, “but what do _you_ want?”

“Me?” You repeated, not quite understanding the question.

“That’s right. If none of this was a factor,” Mari explained, “if none of that mattered, and you didn’t have to worry about taking things slow or what Eli-chan’s gone through, where would you want to be right now?”

“That’s not really important,” You said. “That’s not-”

“You’re not answering the question, You-chan,” Mari interrupted. Her expression had hardened now, still friendly, but undercut but a clear sternness as well. You’s first instinct was to reemphasize what she had already said, but somehow she had a feeling Mari wouldn’t let her get away with that.

“I mean…” You started to quietly admit.  “I guess I wouldn’t mind being further along than we are right now.”

“Further along how?” Mari asked.

“Further like… I’ve never really said this to her before,” You continued, eyes drifting away from Mari once again. “And I know it would still be really stupid and rushed to pull out a ring and ask her to marry me right now, and I’m not gonna do that. But I do think that… That I can see some kind of future with her. That when I picture anywhere my life might go from here it’s really easy to imagine her standing there next to me. I know that’s a lot to say, especially after only a year, but that’s… It’s what’s been on my mind.”

“I knew I wanted to marry Ruby from the very first date we went on together,” Mari said, jarring You from her thoughts again.

“Seriously? Then why the hell did it take you this long?”

“Oh, you know how Ruby is,” Mari hummed, waving a hand idly through the air. “She’s so shy sometimes, and some of Dia’s traditional values have rubbed off on her. If I had twirled her around and told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her on our very first date she would have gotten scared and run off all red in the face. But I always knew,” she said, tapping her chest lightly. “In here.”

“Well, no offense,” You chuckled, “but you’ve always been a little…”

“Impulsive? Ambitious? Free-spirited?”

“I was gonna say crazy.”

“Maybe so,” Mari laughed back. “But love makes people do crazy things, doesn’t it? So if you love Eli-chan, be a little crazy. You shouldn’t wait to tell her what’s in your heart.”

“I already told you I’m not about to propose to her.”

“Oh, shush,” Mari huffed, scrunching her nose up. “I wasn’t saying that you had to. But I’m sure there are other things you feel for her that you haven’t said yet, no? Milestones left to cross, feelings you haven’t been entirely honest about. It’s not healthy to keep those things in. I thought you of all people would know that by now.” You felt a little wave of panic run through her the moment Mari said that, and she suddenly became aware of her friend’s eyes drilling into her just a bit too intensely. They had never spoken about it in any explicit terms, but Mari had reminded You from time to time that she was more perceptive than she let on, that she understood her friends and their feelings better than she pretended to. You always hated that about her.

“Alright,” You eventually said, reaching for the glass still sitting on the table near her. “I guess you’re right.”

“Going for another sip?” Mari chuckled. “Is the taste starting to grow on you, You-chan?”

“Absolutely not,” You replied. “But if I’m about to take your advice on anything I’ll need a few more glasses.” Mari’s lips curled up into a triumphant little smirk at that, and she reached for her own glass as well, lifting it out in front of her.

“Fair enough,” she said. “Cheers.”

* * *

You’s stomach was doing flips as she made her way back to their room, fingers nervously fidgeting with the keycard by her side. She and Mari had parted ways now, Mari returning to her own room, leaving You alone with only the buzz of the whiskey she had managed to choke down to keep her company. She was torn, honestly, part of her wondering if what she was setting out to do here was really a good idea while the other part of her had just enough liquid courage running through her veins to ride out this burst of confidence. Any plan that started with listening to something Mari had told her was probably one to be evaluated a bit more critically than this, but Mari could also be smarter than You gave her credit for. Right now, You was putting all her eggs in the basket of this being one of Mari’s occasional good ideas.

As You reached the door to their room and held her card up to the reader she realized her hands were shaking a bit, and she stayed outside in the hall for a moment just to try to calm herself before proceeding. The light beside the handle flashed from red to green, and You heard a click before she pushed the door open and stepped through.

As she went inside You realized that the room was mostly dark, although she could see a bit of light spilling around from the corner past the entryway, over where their bed was. Eli was probably laying there reading, You supposed, or maybe she’d fallen asleep with the light on. You stepped further forward into the room, keeping her footsteps quiet in case Eli was passed out, calling out in a soft voice.

“Babe?” she said. “Are you still awake?” As You moved up enough to round the corner and see the bed, though, her heart suddenly jumped into her throat.

“Welcome back, dear,” Eli replied. “I’ve been waiting for you.” There in the dim light, stretched out on the bed on her hands and knees, wearing not very many clothes at all, was Eli. She was dressed in a pair of red lingerie You had never seen before, thigh highs and all, and there was definitely something around her neck that You was suddenly trying very very hard to not look at.

“W-What’s- What are you doing?” You stammered out, slightly inebriated brain taking an extra moment to adjust to the curveball she had just been thrown.

“It wasn’t very nice to leave me by myself for so long,” Eli practically purred, starting to crawl her way closer to the edge of the bed on all fours.

“Y-Yeah, but-”

“I’m glad you’re back now, though,” she added, before dropping her voice down practically to a whisper. “The leash is in my suitcase. Why don’t you go get it?”

“Oh my god,” You groaned, face beet-red as she buried it into her hands. “You picked the _worst_ time for this.” As You said that the sultry look disappeared from Eli’s face, eyebrows creasing down. She straightened her posture out a bit, coming to be slightly more upright than she had been.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

“Not wrong, no,” You hastily replied, shaking her head, still keeping her face in her hands as she tried to regain her composure. “Just… I was talking to Mari downstairs, and she was putting all sorts of thoughts in my head and bringing up a bunch of stuff, and… And I think we should move in together!” she finally blurted out. The room felt dead silent after that, and for a few more seconds You still had her hands in her face, avoiding looking at Eli. She was waiting for a response, but when one didn’t come she finally made herself lift her eyes and peek out from between her fingers. Eli was still there on the edge of the bed, looking like she hadn’t moved an inch since You had said that. Her face was stunned, though, eyes wide, mouth slightly open, expression almost blank. That continued for another few seconds before her expression finally started to settle again, and very slowly she moved herself into a sitting position, before patting the space on the bed next to her.

“Come sit down.” That already gave You a bad feeling in her stomach, but she nodded as she walked over, sitting down beside Eli and staring off straight ahead. Neither of them were looking at each other, and it was another moment or two before Eli continued to speak. “What brought this on?”

“I dunno. It’s… I’m a little tipsy right now,” You began. “But I was talking to Mari, and she started asking me questions about us, and our relationship, and the stuff I feel for you. And I feel a _lot_ for you. I know we’ve been going slow, and… And I’m alright with that. I really am,” she promised. “But… We’ve been together a while now, and this just… It feels right to me. You make me happy, and I love you, and I love being around you, and… And maybe it’s kinda selfish of me, but I want more of that. I want a lot more of that. I know this is kinda coming out of nowhere, and maybe Mari got inside my head and made me all dumb and reckless, and I’m really nervous even sitting here saying all of this to you right now,” she admitted. “But it’s… It’s something I know I want. I’m ready for this if you are.” As You finished speaking she glanced at Eli out of the corner of her eye, though she found Eli still wasn’t looking back at her.

“I… I don’t dislike the idea of living with you,” Eli said, and that sentence caused a spark of hope to light up in You’s chest. Hope that was, however, quickly dashed by what Eli said next. “But… But I just don’t know if that’s something I’m ready for yet.”

“Alright,” You said, nodding slowly. “I understand that. What’s making you unsure?”

“The apartment that I live in now… I shared it with Nozomi for years before I lost her,” Eli said, voice even softer now. “It’s been difficult to pay the rent just by myself, honestly, but I’ve just… I’ve never been able to bring myself to leave it. It’s one of the last things I have of her, and letting go of that…”

“I understand,” You assured Eli. She started to reach a hand out to place it on her girlfriend’s leg, though as she did so she was reminded of what Eli was wearing, and ultimately thought better of it. “And you don’t like the thought of me moving in there with you either?”

“It’s nothing against you, or the idea of living with you, I promise,” Eli continued, shaking her head. “But that apartment… It still has so many memories of her. It still feels like it’s _hers_. To watch you permanently move into the side of the bed that she used to sleep on, to see your things start to take over the half of the closet that’s been empty for as long as she’s been gone, to wake up to the sound of the shower running and have that moment of confusion before I remember who’s in there, every single morning…” Eli trailed off there, and then You heard a shaky breath from beside her, and she watched Eli reach up to wipe at her eyes. “I’m sorry. I just-”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to be sorry,” You promised her. “I know it’s a lot. And I’m not… I’m not expecting you to just up and forget about all of that stuff so we can live together. But… I don’t want that to stand in the way of us forever either. For both of our sakes. I can’t say that I completely know the things you’re going through and dealing with, and I would never try to act like I do, but I think I at least get it a little bit. And it’s kinda the same thing I told you when we first started dating. A lot of the time… You’re never gonna be able to move past that stuff until you force yourself to do it. And I don’t wanna pressure you into this if it’s really not something you feel ready for. But I don’t wanna watch you get stuck in one place forever either.” You stopped talking there, and as she did she could hear Eli taking a few more deep breaths, trying to calm herself and maintain her composure.

“Can I just… Have some time to think about this?” she asked.

“Yeah, of course,” You replied. “I don’t want you to feel rushed. Take all the time you need.”

“Thank you,” Eli said. She let out a long sigh from there, closing her eyes for a moment before reopening them and looking down at herself. At that point a bit of weak laughter escaped her, and her mouth pushed up into a small smile, which made You smile as well. “We really just had this whole conversation while I was dressed like this, didn’t we?”

“Yuuuuuuup. We sure did.”

“That was probably a bit of a mood killer though. There goes that whole romantic evening I had in store,” she sighed.  “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” You said, laughing a bit as she reached out to put an arm around Eli’s shoulders. “We can still have a romantic evening. Just… a different kind. The ‘cuddle up and watch a movie while we order a shit ton of room service on Mari’s credit card’ kind.”

“Well if that’s the sort of evening we’re going to have,” Eli chuckled softly, starting to push herself up from the bed, “I should probably go put some normal clothes back on.”

“Or don’t,” You suggested. “You’d look kinda hot eating chicken wings like that, hot sauce dripping down all over your tits.”

“Disgusting.”

“Love youuuuu.”

“Yes,” Eli sighed, though You could still see her smiling. “I love you too.”

* * *

After a few days spent in the Alps, living in luxury while having every expense taken care of, returning to Japan had been like waking up from a dream. It was odd how You’s familiar bed and familiar apartment and familiar job could all suddenly feel so alien to her, especially when she hadn’t even been gone that long, but for the first day or two back everything had felt just a little bit wrong, almost like she wasn’t really there at all. Getting to spend so much of her vacation around Eli also meant You was that much more disappointed when they returned to their homes and own jobs as well, and though they had been texting each other plenty they were both busy enough with their work that they didn’t get a chance to actually see one other until the next weekend came around.

Now that it had, however, You was making her way towards the part of Tokyo where Eli’s apartment was located, deciding to walk and appreciate the nice weather rather than taking the train. That was one thing she didn’t mind about being back home: it was much, much warmer. You was excited to be seeing Eli again, and though they hadn’t actually planned what they were going to do for the day, with Eli simply telling her to come over, You was happy regardless. They hadn’t revisited their conversation about moving in together since their talk in the hotel room, but that was alright with You. She had told Eli to take all the time she needed, and she had meant it.

As You got closer to the building she texted Eli to let her know she was arriving, and by the time she walked up to the door leading into the lobby Eli was already there, ready to let her in from the other side. Eli grinned at her through the glass before opening the door, at which point You bounced forward, pecking Eli on the lips before she even spoke.

“Did ya miss me?”

“Look at you, getting all excited,” Eli replied, rolling her eyes at You. “You’re a like a dog that misses its owner.”

“Kinda ironic for you to say that, isn’t it?” You asked, flashing a grin that caused Eli’s face to turn red as she hastily turned around, coughing loudly.

“ _Anyway_ ,” she said, moving towards the stairs, “I have something to show you. Come upstairs with me.”

“Eh? Alright,” You replied, following after her girlfriend. That had immediately sparked her curiosity, though she knew Eli well enough to know that she wasn’t going to be getting an answer, no matter how hard she pestered. Instead she just continued up the staircase she had been up dozens, if not hundreds of times by now, then followed Eli down the familiar hall, towards her familiar door, before finally stepping through it into…

What suddenly felt like a very unfamiliar apartment.

You stopped in the doorway, momentarily shocked by what she was seeing in front of her. Eli’s apartment somehow felt both empty and cluttered at the same time. You’s eyes moved from the once-crowded bookshelf that now stood bare at the edge of the room, to the blank walls where photos and decorations had once hung, to the hardwood floor that she had never seen without a rug on it before, and then they settled on the tower of cardboard boxes piled up in the corner of the room, before finally looking back at Eli.

“What’s… What happened in here?” she managed to ask.

“I’ve been busy,” Eli replied, walking into the wide open center of the room, back to You. “You never realize how much stuff you have until you go about trying to organize it and pack it all into little boxes. I’ve been thinking about what you said, though. What we talked about while you were on vacation. And…” she said, looking back over her shoulder to lock eyes with You again. “I’ve realized that I think you’re right.”

“I am?” You asked, not sounding nearly as confident in herself as she probably should have. But Eli simply nodded.

“You are. You got me to start thinking about what this place really is to me,” she said, now pulling her eyes away from You to start looking at her surroundings. “Every little corner of this apartment, every piece of furniture, every creaky floorboard or chip on the wall, each one is a memory of her. Everywhere I look I can remember a moment I spent with her there, whether it was kissing her by the window while we watched the sunrise or crying together on the couch when she first got her diagnosis. I’ve built this place up like a shrine to her. And I don’t think there’s really anything wrong with that. I don’t think it’s wrong to want to hold on to those memories of her. But…” Eli confessed, “I think it’s become a shrine to my own sadness as well. It’s painful to think about letting these memories go voluntarily when every day more and more slip away even when I don’t want them to, but I guess that’s the hard part of all of this. The memories and the pain go hand in hand, and I can’t let go of one without letting go of the other. But I think there’s a balance to be found, somewhere, and so far I haven’t been doing a very good job of finding it. So, if your offer still stands,” she concluded, taking a deep breath and shutting eyes that had misted over just the smallest bit while she had been talking before she finished her thought, “I’d like to move in together. Somewhere other than here. Somewhere new. Somewhere that’s just for the two of us.”

Silence filled the apartment after Eli concluded her speech. That silence lasted for a few seconds, and then it was interrupted, loudly and all at once, by the sound of footsteps barreling across the floor, and Eli opened her eyes back up just in time to see You running towards her.

“You-chan!” she blurted out, and she just barely managed to get her arms up in front of her before You crashed into her and sent them both tumbling backwards onto the floor. You was absolutely beaming though, tears in her eyes, and as she collapsed on top of Eli and looked down at her girlfriend she seemed about as happy as she had ever been in her entire life.

“You really mean this?” she asked.

“I really do,” Eli replied, smiling softly back up at her.

“Are you sure?” You said. “I probably should’ve said this before I jumped on you, but if you’re really not ready-”

“I’m not ready,” Eli interrupted. “I know I’m not ready. But I also know I’ll never be ready until after I’ve already done it. So I may not be ready,” she said. “But I’m at least prepared.”

“Okay,” You whispered back, laughing through tears as she leaned down closer, resting her forehead against Eli’s. “Then let’s do something reckless.”


End file.
